Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it's like iHOP with fire
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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