At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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