found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
