Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
