tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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