Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I want a musical about memes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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