Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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