I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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