i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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