would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Man, jail baloney is awful.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
