God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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