the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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