I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So vagazzling was a success
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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