Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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