I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
