Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
