Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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