T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
