I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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