yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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