Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
