Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
