Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
please don't ironically join a cult
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