i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
