u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
