thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
