I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
