I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
