He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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