she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
