East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
