If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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