girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
