Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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