you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
