She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
