Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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