apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
