Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
