I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
