She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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