Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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