I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
