she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
