He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
