Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
