Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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