I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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