We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
