So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
