I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want to be your penis for a week.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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