did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
