I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
