FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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