Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
