Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
