He kissed a someone with a penis
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
