sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
