I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
