sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
