im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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