Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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