she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
