I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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