Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
