so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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