and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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