chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
