my soul wont recognize me after tonight
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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