Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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