I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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